dreams · memories · sadness

She Couldn’t Find It

135434Nothing to bring back the lost innocence,

or take away the pain from torments and humiliations

demanded of the child so young.

She smacked happiness away with both hands

and all of her might, never realized what she did.

She made promises and ran after dreams.

Didn’t believe in her own beauty, though,

the fellows of her generation, the Rat Pack age,

called her Nevada Red and gave her opportunities

no plain Jane was ever offered.

She fought herself daily with

cigarettes, alcohol, hair color, clothes and shoes,

temporary fixes that did not fix.

Plans and schemes to win a life

like in the movies and books.

She unleashed fury on anyone she viewed as a threat, anyone.

She couldn’t keep any of the things she regarded as happy prizes.

No possessions, jobs, lovers, her sweet mother, even her children,

she loved and despised at the same time.

Bad health and old age have caught up to her.

She is no longer the hard ass she was.

Regret, lost love and dreams torment her

as she withers in the lonely chair

she fought so hard to win.



3 thoughts on “She Couldn’t Find It

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