dogs · humor · pets

Business~ By Duncan Deering


Hello friends,

There is important business to attend, up and down our road. Everyone must understand that this is our road, and we don’t allow any nonsense in our sight.

First thing in the morning, once Winnie and I have our potty outside, we have cookies on the rug by the kitchen. We did have a cushy dog bed there, but mom threw it out. She said it was too dirty. I miss my dog bed. The rug makes me sigh. I have to get pets while I eat my cookies, or I won’t eat them. Winnie will eat them all if I don’t take mine. Mom calls her Miss Piggy.



After cookies, we go outside. We let the kids going to the school bus know it’s our road.

Even though anyone (human or dog) has to walk all the way around our block and up a long dirt road to get there, the business often moves quickly from the front yard to the gully behind our house. To emphasize the urgency of the matter, the front door must be banged upon- hard. The force of us over 100 pound dogs, smacking the doors with our heavy paws, cannot be over done.

Once the door is open, we run like a herd of buffalo to the back door. We make a mad dash down the stairs, down the hill and along the path under the junipers to the end of the yard, to view Dog Paradise, which can be seen through the locked gate. The gate is not ever opened, (something about mom not wanting coyotes to get her chickens or anyone to accidentally wander inside,) unless mom or dad wants to hike up the gully from there.

After a thorough investigation, and a quick sniff of the gate to the chicken yard, it seems more important events occur in the front of the house. Once again, we must run through the house to get to the front. A logical person might think it would be easier for our mom if she simply left the back gate open, so we can go between yards freely. To our embarrassment, we have a weakness for chasing mom’s chickens, who sometimes roam out of their fenced area. That means mom has to make sure no chickens are in harm’s way, before she will let us out back. She takes an extra measure by placing a milk crate in front of the gap under the gate, so no chickens wander out to the front yard- darn it.


As you can imagine, the job of watching the road can get a bit boring, but there is a sunny spot (most days) on the porch, where I can sit or lie nicely, and monitor the road. It is right in front of the door, and I do not move from that spot, no matter how hard someone tries to get in or out of that door.

If mom goes anywhere during the day, she has to give us a treat when she gets home. We line up in front of the treat cupboard to make sure she remembers. Winnie eats hers fast. I like to eat slowly and savor my treats. I do not bite down hard, so sometimes Winnie steals mine. That makes me pout, but mom usually gives me another one.


After a few hours of patrolling the front and back yards, a long nap on mom’s bed  restores our appetite. If dinner is not ready when we are hungry, we have several motivations for mom. We sigh and lie down in front of the stove. If that doesn’t work, a few whines are employed. A deep stare sometimes works. Winnie will pace the kitchen floor. If all else fails, a short bark is useful.


Once the food is in place, it is always fun to make mom beg us to eat it. She taps on our bowls with a spoon or takes a piece of food and brings it to us as an appetizer. After we eat and get a big drink, which leaves a sizable amount of dribble all over the floor, (mom says we’re part hippopotami) it is time to check the yards again.

When it gets dark, we settle down a bit. There could be something on TV with dogs. Winnie likes to bark at them and look under the TV for them. I am not interested in that. I prefer to lie on my rug and whine for pets, or extra cookies or something from mom’s plate.

Slowly, everyone goes off to bed. Mom tries to get us to do one last potty, so she doesn’t have to get up at two a.m. to let us out. Sometimes we oblige her.

Have a good night.

Love, Duncan





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